The Thumbs Up Emoji: A Tiny Middle Finger in Disguise

Season #2 April 02, 2025

Keywords thumbs up emoji, digital communication, passive aggression, emotional responses, social media etiquette

Summary In this episode of Just Human, host Jay Boykin discusses the emotional implications of receiving a thumbs up emoji in digital communication. He shares personal anecdotes and scenarios that illustrate how this seemingly innocuous gesture can feel dismissive and passive-aggressive. Boykin emphasizes the importance of thoughtful responses in our digital interactions and encourages listeners to consider the emotional weight of their communication.

Takeaways The thumbs up emoji can feel dismissive and passive-aggressive. Digital communication often lacks emotional depth. Responses like 'sounds good' are more meaningful than a thumbs up. The thumbs up emoji is often perceived as an insult. People may overthink the implications of a thumbs up response. Communication should reflect emotional engagement. The use of emojis can impact relationships and perceptions. A simple acknowledgment can go a long way in communication. Different emojis convey different levels of engagement. It's important to strive for better communication in digital interactions.

Sound Bites "The thumbs up emoji is really more like an insult." "It's like the emoji equivalent of uh-huh." "Your thumbs up emoji is not therapy."

Episode Transcript

Jay Boykin (00:03.384)
Hey, how's everybody doing today? Welcome back to Just Human. I am Jay Boykin. I am your host. And I have to say that this particular episode is extremely serious. This is more like a public service announcement. I think that this is a really important issue that we all have to talk about. Now, I'm just going to say this right off the bat. This is probably just a me thing.

It's probably something that I have to get over, but I feel like I would be remiss if I didn't talk about this a little bit because I do believe that it is a serious issue. So let me lay it out for you. And this is very heartfelt. Have you ever received a thumbs up emoji and immediately felt like somebody just blew you off like

you know, they were brushing off their dog. I mean, I know that in our digital world, you know, there are a bunch of low effort ways for people to dismiss us and to blow us off, sort of like K, the single letter K in a response or the dreaded ellipses, the dot dot dot. But nothing really gets me like

that thumbs up emoji. I don't know what it is. And I know that, you know, I used to think that the thumbs up emoji was pretty harmless. And, but I think that after years of experiencing the thumbs up emoji and a lot of different scenarios and emails and texts and group chats and instant messaging, I've come to realize

that the thumbs up emoji is nothing but a passive aggressive little monster. So honestly, the synopsis of this episode is that the thumbs up emoji is really more like an insult and we're gonna break down why it feels like an insult. So we're gonna deep dive into this a little bit and I know that, you know,

Jay Boykin (02:28.76)
This may rub other people the wrong way as well, but this carries a lot of emotional weight. So here's a scenario. You are at work and you have put a lot of thought and energy and your soul into a key email to your boss. You've got bullet points, you've got takeaways, you've got action items. So say it goes something like this.

Hey, boss, I just wanted to provide you with a quick update on the project that me and the team have been working on and outline the next steps. Progress so far, we've completed the initial data analysis and identified key trends. The team has drafted a preliminary strategy based on our findings and we're on track to meet the proposed deadline for phase one completion. Next steps.

We'll need your approval on our recommendations before proceeding. The team would appreciate any feedback on the strategy draft. I've attached it for review. Let me know if you'd like to schedule a quick check-in to discuss any adjustments. Looking forward to your thoughts. Please let us know how you'd like to proceed. You send that email and after about 45 minutes, half a day waiting,

You get

back from your boss. Now, I'm not sure how that's gonna make you feel, but to me, the translation of that is like your boss saying, hey, I acknowledge that you have written words and put them down. I really have no intention of reading that right now. It really feels like a little pat on the head from...

Jay Boykin (04:25.204)
some middle manager who really only has 30 seconds of attention span left for you. It honestly, it just after all of that work, it's like, why did I bother? You told me that this project was important and all you can give me back is.

Jay Boykin (04:43.498)
Again, maybe it's just me.

Here's another scenario. You've got some plans with a friend or friends, and you just send a message to remind them about what you've got going on. Here's the message. Hey, just a reminder, we're all meeting at the restaurant tonight at 7 p.m. Can't wait to see everyone. Let me know if you need a ride. 26 minutes later, you get...

Jay Boykin (05:18.688)
It's like the emoji equivalent of uh-huh. And so for me, in my mind, my internal monologue is saying, wait, what? Does that mean that you're coming? Are you not coming? Are you annoyed that I sent you a reminder? Are you even excited about our friendship anymore?

Did you just passive aggressively respond to our plans? Is that a RSVP yes or no? Maybe I should just cancel the entire night and sit at home and drink by myself. Just saying, that's what it feels like. Again, a very passive aggressive dismissal. Now, I know that some of you may be asking, well, what type of a response would you like? Well, almost anything.

would be better than the thumbs up. You could send back, sounds good, looking forward to it. Awesome, thanks for the reminder. Cool, see you at seven. But no, you get the thumbs up of uncertainty, it's non-committal, it's emotionless, it's a one second response. And you know, again, maybe it's just me, I'm overthinking it. But

You know, now I have to spend the next several hours between now and our plans wondering if you're actually gonna show up or if I'm gonna be sitting at a table by myself staring at my phone wondering if you're gonna even send me a response that says on my way or if I just got ghosted. Classic.

Jay Boykin (07:11.232)
Another scenario is from all the dear old dads out there. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm a dad and I have my dad moments, but here's another scenario with good old dad. Hey dad, big news. I finally got that promotion I've been shooting for. It happened today. It's been a long time coming, but I did it. Six hours later, you get.

Jay Boykin (07:42.018)
the dreaded thumbs up. Now, again, going into my internal monologue, I'm like, wait, is that it? No, congrats, son, proud of you, not even a, hey, let's celebrate. Does he think that this is just another day? This is important for me, this is a big deal. I honestly think that

I would have gotten the exact same response if I told him that I got a tire rotation and an oil change on the car. But you know, whatever, it's fine. I'm an independent adult now who's now doubting my entire childhood. But you know, come on, dad. What was I expecting? Hey, that's incredible. Proud of you, You worked really hard for this. Congratulations.

Does this mean that you're buying dinner next time with a smiley emoji? That would have worked for me as well.

Now, here's the bonus on that one and how we realized that we're treading into dad territory. Maybe two weeks later, you give him a call and just say, hey, dad, did you see my text message? yeah, I saw it. That's awesome. Did you see the game last night? Seriously? Anyway.

you finally realize that your dad probably only knows one emoji and the thumbs up emoji is likely the only one that you're ever gonna get in response to anything. So it's just dad culture.

Jay Boykin (09:34.24)
Lastly, there is the friend who is completely over you. You're having like an existential crisis and you send them a message looking for some support. Man, it's been a rough week. Work has been super stressful and I just, feel like I'm not where I wanna be in life. Like I know I should be grateful, but I just keep second guessing myself, you know, just kind of feeling stuck.

and their response, you guessed it, the thumbs up. Once again, you're like, wait, that's all I get? I'm having a crisis here in my life and all you've got for me is the thumbs up. I sent you at least three sentences and you're giving me a single emoji. It would have been nice to hear, hey man, I hear you. That sounds really tough. Do you wanna talk?

Totally get that feeling you're not alone. I promise Maybe hey, let's catch up and go have a drink. I'm here for you but you get the thumbs up emoji and you really want to respond with Wow, thanks a lot for the deep emotional support really feeling the love or Maybe to the next 20 messages that they send you you just send them the thumbs up emoji and see if they get it

Now, here's the moral of this, and I know once again that this is probably just me, but...

Almost anything would be better. If a friend opens up to you, use words, your thumbs up emoji is not therapy. It's almost like an auto reply, but maybe slightly less personal. Now, I know that there are a number of, there's a number of responses, digital insults that we could get that are

Jay Boykin (11:50.258)
way worse. And maybe we should be equally angry about those. There's the the single letter K. I don't even understand that one. It K is okay was too much for you. So you just sent K. If if K were like a real live person, it would be somebody who's just staring at you blankly from across the room and then just nodding and walking away.

If you, honestly, if you send me K, I'm re-evaluating our friendship at that moment. That's not cool. Then you get the people who like to use the ellipses, the dot, dot, dot. What does that even mean? Do you need more time so that you can judge me? Do you have something better going on at this moment? Are you typing something else? don't even know what that even means.

that honestly the ellipses feels like you're playing psychological warfare with me. My brain is on overdrive at that point in time.

And then on some platforms you get the double tapped like reaction. Like that's even less effort because you don't even have to look for the emoji. So you acknowledged me with a little tiny heart or something that took you 0.3 seconds of effort. I think I'd rather be ghosted at that point in time. So.

Again, I know that some of you are sitting out there with your thumbs hovering over the thumbs up emoji, waiting to get to the comments. I'm acknowledging that this is likely just me. I'm probably the only person in the world that's put this much thought into the thumbs up emoji and perhaps I'm overthinking it. But I'm telling you that I found this study totally made up.

Jay Boykin (13:59.32)
that says that 82 % of people who have received a thumbs up emoji totally hate it and they feel dismissed. And the other 18%, they're the ones that are sending the thumbs up emoji. Like I said, totally real and made up statistic, but it really feels like it matters. Now, I will say this.

There is one scenario where I think that sending just a thumbs up emoji is okay and I will graciously accept it if you're driving. you know, obviously I want you to be safe. I don't want you getting into an accident while trying to send a long response to me. I granted, you could use the little microphone thing and.

speak something out, but look, I get it. You need to keep your eyes on the road. But here's the thing. How do I even know that you're driving? Can all of the social media platforms and Apple and Android, can you invent a single emoji that sends like a car and the thumbs up so that I can know that, okay, you're sending me the thumbs up because you're driving. That would be very helpful.

for somebody who is really putting a lot of thought into this. Now,

What are some other ways that we could respond other than the thumbs up? I don't know, maybe sounds good or awesome, thank you. Or literally any other GIF, is it GIF or JIF? I don't know, JIF sounds like peanut butter. So I'm gonna say GIF. Literally any other GIF that you could send would be better.

Jay Boykin (16:00.478)
I like the little clappy hand emoji. I think that that's perfect. That's a whole lot better than that little Homer Simpson yellow thumbs up or whatever skin tone that you choose to use on your platform. It still feels like an insult. Let's just put forth a little bit of effort people. It's just a sign of simple human decency. The thumbs up emoji is nothing. Now look.

I know that most of you are sitting there and like I said before, you can't wait to blow me up with thumbs up emojis just out of pure spite after this episode. And I just want to say to my friends, to my brother, to my best friend, I know that that's what you two are going to do and I would expect absolutely nothing less.

For the rest of you, I know that you want to be better. Let's agree to be better. No more dismissive thumbs up unless you just want to fight. That's what it feels like. So here's the thing. Here's the call to action. Again, we're having a little bit of fun today on Just Human. If you agree with what I said, please send me the clappy hands emoji instead of the thumbs up.

And if you strongly disagree, just don't say anything or just send K. That'll work as well. So anyway, I just want you all to know we were having a little fun today on Just Human and hopefully this brought a little bit of laughter, lightheartedness, and maybe it made you think a little bit about your life choices as we think about the emojis.

But if you are watching on YouTube, thank you. Please hit that subscribe button so you don't miss anything. If you're listening on your favorite podcast provider, thank you for taking the time to do that. Definitely leave me some comments on what you thought. Please no thumbs up emojis. I know they're coming, but please, I beg you. But until next time, let's go out there, let's have some fun, let's enjoy life, and let's use a few less thumbs up emojis.

Jay Boykin (18:29.154)
Take care everybody.