Jay Boykin (00:01.538)
Hey, what's up everybody? I am Jay Boykin and I wanna welcome you to the Just Human podcast. And in this space, we are exploring what it really means to be human, whether we're talking about it at work, in our relationships, our communities, and just in life in general. Because you see, no matter what it comes down to, when you look at things at the core,
You know, we all as human beings are asking the same questions. We're trying to get better. We want to grow. How do we connect? And how do we live with a purpose without losing ourselves? And so just human is built on the very simple but powerful truth that, you know, we're all human beings first. So when you strip away all the noise and the labels and the barriers,
We all share the same fundamental desires. So this podcast, we get to lean in on a variety of different topics. you know, it's all a part of our human experience. And so I'm really glad that you're here and I'm looking forward to diving in. on today's episode, we're going to talk about Christmas of 2008 and the life lesson that I learned from my son.
back at that time. part of that has to do with the quote unquote script that we are sometimes given for life and why we should think about challenging that sometimes. And then we're going to talk about five key lessons for breaking the mold and defining success on our own terms.
So if you're in a place where maybe you're feeling stuck, maybe you're feeling like your life could use a little bit of a change, maybe today's episode is for you. So let's go ahead and dive in. So let me set the scene for you. Christmas in 2008. Now, my son at that time was eight years old and
Jay Boykin (02:21.066)
He was a huge fan of all things Star Wars. And, you know, he had all the stuff, the toys and the movies and posters. So it was a big deal, all the Star Wars things in our house. And that particular Christmas, he had a lot of Lego sets on his Christmas list because he was also
a huge fan of Legos. There was really not much more that my son enjoyed more than being creative with Lego sets. And, you know, he would get a new set and open it up and put it together, take it apart, put it together again. And so he would just do that over and over again. Now,
That particular Christmas, my son did have a number of LEGO sets and most of them were Star Wars themed on his Christmas list. he had one in particular, the crown jewel was the LEGO 6211 Imperial Star Destroyer. And if I lean out of the way a little bit, for those of you that are actually watching,
the podcast, have that set, well, it's not that set, this one's mine, but this is the exact same type of set that he received that particular Christmas. Now, that set, the LEGO 6211, it's a pretty decent sized set, and especially for an eight year old kid.
It contains 1,366 pieces. And when he tore into that present, I mean, he was so excited. I mean, it was the scream that he let out from excitement. was absolutely amazing. Pretty unforgettable reaction. But here's the thing. My expectation and my son's expectations did not.
Jay Boykin (04:42.496)
a line. When we got this set for my son, my expectation was that we were going to have some good quality time putting this set together. Now, you know, for those of you that may be unfamiliar with LEGO sets, LEGO is actually pretty ingenious with how they do it.
They have, most sets come with a very specific plan and a sequence for how you put it together. The Lego 6211 set has 15 bags inside of it, filled with pieces. Each bag is numbered one through 15. And then there are two instruction manuals that guide you step by step for putting together a particular
section that corresponds with a particular bag number. So, you know, it's a very intentional and specific sequence that you're supposed to follow. That Christmas morning back in 2008, my son had a, he had a different plan for what he was gonna follow. He had a different approach. I sent him down to the basement.
that morning after all the presents were opened and I told him I would come down and help him out in a little bit. And so I thought, I assumed that he was going to open the smaller Lego sets that he had received, but that he would wait for dear old dad before he opened the Imperial Star Destroyer. And so,
I did a couple things that morning, cleaned up wrapping paper and then went downstairs and when I turned the corner down there and saw what my son had done, he had taken all of the bags from the box and dumped them into one large pile. It just seemed like a sea of gray.
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Lego pieces all over the basement floor. And so, you know, that was his approach. I'm going to dump everything into a pile where I can see it. I can visualize it. And at that moment, I realized that my plan and his plans were not aligned. You see, I was thinking that we were going to put this together and that it was going to sit on a shelf somewhere like a trophy.
But no, my plan never materialized. And honestly, the Imperial Star Destroyer never materialized either. So my son's pieces did not turn into the Imperial Star Destroyer. It turned into a lot of other things. And it was pure joy for him to sit there and put together whatever came to his mind.
In fact, he and his best friend at that time would spend hours down in the basement. They would get together for sleepovers and they would go down in the basement and stay up half the night just putting together whatever their minds could envision with these pieces. So, again, for me,
That Christmas didn't go the way that I thought it was gonna go. For my son, it was amazing for him because he had this endless well of opportunity with all of these Lego pieces. And especially when he started combining them with some of his other Lego pieces, I knew that there was no turning back. There was never going to be an Imperial Star Destroyer. And...
You know, the interesting thing about this is that that Christmas memory reminds me of the fact that sometimes we are given a script for our life and, you know, we're expected to follow that script. You know, we are, we're told that we're supposed to
Jay Boykin (09:30.894)
go to school. When we graduate from high school, we are supposed to go to college. After we finish with college, we're supposed to get a job. We're supposed to climb whatever ladder we happen to be on. We're supposed to buy a house. We're supposed to get married, have kids, and then retire at 65. And then you can enjoy life at that point. And
What I'm beginning to wonder, and here's the question that we're going to discuss today is, what if that's not the script that we're supposed to follow? So just like my son never followed the instructions for building the Star Destroyer, in fact,
I don't think that he even looked at the instructions. I think he threw them across the room and he was just following the plan that he had in his head. But my son saw this opportunity with all of these scattered pieces to build whatever he wanted. And so I'm wondering if in our lives we can question the rules that we've been given, the script that we have been given.
I know that for me, I followed the script that had been planted in my head. And so I did that thing. I graduated high school, I went to college, I graduated college, I got the job, and I did my best to try to continue to progress up the corporate ladder and did the...
all of the things that were expected of me and don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that. But I will say this, as I shared in a previous episode of this podcast, I've recently transitioned. I'm no longer in my corporate role and I'm now doing my own thing.
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and I have never worked harder, but at the same time, I've never been happier and feeling more fulfilled than at this time. And so the Lego pieces that I was putting together for my life, they didn't get completely torn apart, but I am finding that I'm at a place where I'm having to pivot.
and to perhaps make some changes to what I was building with the pieces that I was given. so, you know, again, with this, I'm wondering if...
we can question this overall premise of how we define success. And I think that often we are using how other people define success and using that as a gauge for our own life. And I feel that success isn't about following somebody else's blueprint.
It's about creating your own. so, you know, I followed that script for a long time. I never thought about being an entrepreneur, but I'm here now and I think that this is a path that I could have perhaps started earlier, but I think that I'm here.
at this time for a reason. So I love the analogy of Lego and life because I do believe that much like with a Lego set. when you get a new Lego set, you've got a couple of choices. You can open that and follow the instructions step by step.
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and you can recreate something that someone else designed and that someone else planned. Or you can take the pieces that you are given, your unique abilities, and you can create something that is entirely your own. And I believe
and I learned this, this is from the lesson that my son taught me. I think that both of those can exist. I think that you can perhaps start down a path that someone guides you on, perhaps a mentor, it could be a parent. And so that's the equivalent of following those instructions that come with the Lego set.
And perhaps you follow that and you realize that that is exactly the path that you are meant to be on. Or maybe you get to a certain point in time in your life where you realize that this path as it's laid out is not exactly for me. And I'm going to make some changes. I'm going to deviate a little bit from the instruction.
manual, so to speak, and you can begin to create your own unique path. I think that all of these are opportunities that are available to us, and I think that that is a very good thing, and I'm glad that, you know, it was a little traumatic back on that Christmas time in 2008. I really wanted that
that star destroyer to be built. but that was not my son. My son is a very creative person. And I realized that while I am a very analytical person, hence the reason why I've been an accountant and a finance person for most of my career, I'm very comfortable with analyzing things sometimes to the detriment where I will overanalyze.
Jay Boykin (16:27.99)
And my son has creative talents that he was gifted with. And so for him, he looks at the world through a different lens. And it doesn't mean that either one of us is right or wrong. It just means that we're different. And that's the beauty in this world. And the beauty in just human is that there is space.
for all of that. If we all followed the exact same path and followed the exact same blueprint, then we're just gonna end up with the exact same Imperial Star Destroyers, so to speak. And so I think it is a great thing that we have the opportunity to do and try some different things. So.
Here's how I want to look at this. I think that sometimes it's okay for you to break the mold, so to speak, as it pertains to life and especially as it pertains to defining success in life. And I think that you can redefine success on your own terms. And so there are five
key things that I want to share with you that I think that we can learn from this whole metaphor around legos in life. So number one, question the instructions. If you are on a path and perhaps that path is a family tradition, maybe it's something that has
just it seemed like the expectation. Maybe you can question that. Are you following a path that truly aligns with your passions or are you doing something that was expected of you? I'll give you another example having to do with my son. My son.
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when he graduated from high school, I think that he knew that the college path was not for him. And here's the thing, college is not for everybody. That's why not 100 % of high school graduates go to college. But I think that he thought, because I went to college, his mom went to college,
that that was the expectation and that he did not have a choice. And so he started down a path that was not his and he wasn't happy with that. I don't think that that was aligning with the creative juices that were a part of who he is. And so he went to school for a semester and then realized that he was miserable.
and that that wasn't for him. And he finally let us know that that wasn't for him and he came home. And it was a really tough lesson for me. I was extremely sad that I unknowingly put this expectation on my son with that he had to follow a path that was similar to mine. So.
Again, question the instructions that you have been given and really try to make sure that you are on a path that aligns with what you want to do.
Number two, embrace the mess.
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In life, growth is rarely following a linear path. Sometimes, just like with LEGO, sometimes you gotta break things down a little bit in order to make something better. And so, it could be that you have been on a particular path
a particular career for the majority of your life, that's okay. That doesn't mean that you have to continue to follow that path, especially if you're not happy with it or that's not your passion, you're not feeling fulfilled. Sometimes detours in life are okay. There are a number of people who started in a particular career.
only to realize through experiences that, this isn't really what I thought it was gonna be, and so I'm going to do something different. And that's okay. It really is. And trying to avoid following how other people define success, again, for those people that found their passion, found their love immediately,
in life and you know they went from start of career to end of career doing exactly what they wanted to do and found success. That's amazing. But that doesn't mean for others that just because you decide that you want to take a pivot and go from being you know an engineer to now you want to open a bakery.
I just made those two things up, but there's nothing wrong with that if those are, if you realize that baking is your passion and that's what you want to do. So don't think that you have to follow that linear growth pattern and that once you're on a certain path that you can't pivot and make a change. Number three,
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Creativity can actually be a superpower. I think that individuals who follow a non-traditional path, so you look at leaders, you look at entrepreneurs, you look at innovators. Steve Jobs didn't follow a linear path and look at what he was able to do.
able to create. And so I think that realizing that creativity can be a strength and also realizing that there are different forms of creativity. A lot of times we think that being creative means that you are doing some sort of art or
you know, again, something in the artistic realm, but you know, you can be someone who can code well, be a great programmer, and that is definitely a form of creativity. I think that leaders who are able to get the most out of their teams,
That is definitely a level of creativity because it requires you to adapt constantly. I think that if you are a parent, there's definitely creativity there because your children will definitely challenge you and you'll have to be creative with how you address some of the things that come to the table. And so,
I believe that there are many forms of creativity and I think that if we let go of some of the rigid expectations, what can we build when we just think about our life in front of us as a blank slate?
Jay Boykin (25:27.146)
Number four, and I sort of alluded to this earlier, be willing to pivot. Again, just because you started down one particular road doesn't mean that you have to stay on that road forever. I think that switching careers, doing different things, if you decide that you want to start a business,
You get to redefine your goals and it doesn't mean that because you are perhaps in a place where it feels like you're starting over, that doesn't mean that you're a failure. It means that you're growing and you are adapting. I didn't think that at this point in my life that I would be starting my own business, but I'm having a lot of fun. This is great.
And I'm going to talk about in some future episodes how that's looking and some of the things that I'm learning from that. But this opportunity that I had to make a life change and to pivot and do something different, I think has been one of the most fulfilling times in my life. So for you,
Don't think that just because you want to make a change, it's a growth opportunity. It's a way for you to take some new Lego pieces and add it to the creation that is your life. And number five, find joy in that process. So when I think back to my son on that Christmas morning, sitting in that
tile of Lego pieces. He was loving every single second of it. He wasn't thinking about the fact that he wasn't following the instructions. He wasn't thinking about what the picture on the outside of the box looked like. And he wasn't focused on the finished product. He was actually in the moment enjoying the creative process and
Jay Boykin (27:54.142)
I know that there are times if we go back to that earlier blueprint that I talked about, oftentimes it feels like we are supposed to delay our happiness and fulfillment until we're through our entire careers as if we can't enjoy that ride as well. And that we have to wait until we're in the fourth quarter.
of our life before we find what we've defined as success. I think, and what I'm learning is that true fulfillment is coming from the process and not the outcome. I will be very confessional that I am a recovering perfectionist. Many times I feel like
everything that I do has to be perfect or even said differently that I have to plan out every aspect of something before I actually do it. And that comes from the analytical side of what made me a great accountant and great in my finance roles. But
What that created in my life was too often I would never actually do anything, but I would plan the heck out of it. And what I'm learning now with the things that I'm doing, even with producing content, I am realizing that I don't have to have the perfect script. I don't have to have the perfect
lighting necessarily that most of you are not expecting perfection from anything that I do. But how about I just press record and speak from the heart and put something out there. And if it's not great, I can learn from that and I can adjust and I can get better the next time. And so the fulfillment is coming from the fact that when I'm done with
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recording something on my phone if I'm out for a walk and I get a thought and I just record it and put it out there or if I come into my studio here and record even if it's not perfect when I go back and look at it I may find something that I don't like I can adjust later but after I'm done it feels good to be able to say yep I
I got that done. I actually did something as opposed to continuing to plan forever and not actually doing anything. So just remember that that joy comes from actually doing something and it doesn't have to be perfect. Just put something out there. Do whatever it is that feels good to you. So again, as we begin to wrap up,
this episode of Just Human. I really want to thank my son because he had it right the entire time that being such a stickler for the instructions. Yeah, that's one way that you can do it. But I also think that taking your time and just building something that is 100 % yours.
And whatever comes to mind is a beautiful thing. So that is a great lesson that I learned from my then eight year old son. life isn't about just assembling some pre-designed vision of what our life is supposed to be. It's really about creating something unique and
You know, when we get to the end of whatever time we are given, what's going to be uniquely yours? And if that is a big, beautiful, happy family, that's amazing. If you have become an inspirational leader, great. If you have done anything else, started a business,
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made an impact in your community, changed the lives of other people, that is an amazing thing and it's yours. It is something that no one can take away from you and that you'll be remembered for. And so my challenge to those of you that are taking the time to listen, and again, I appreciate it, whether you are...
watching this on YouTube or listening to this on your favorite podcast provider. Thank you so much for taking some time to listen to me and to this episode talking about life and Legos. But here's the challenge that I have for you. What's your pile of Legos look like for your life right now? And are you feeling like
you want to make some changes. If you do, let's go out there and challenge yourself to perhaps build something a little bit different and to create your own masterpiece. you know, this thought that I'll leave you with on this topic is that the Lego bricks of your life, they're
they're laying there in front of you. So you get to decide what you're going to do with those. So, you know, we'll challenge ourselves with that. So again, thank you for being here with us. I've got some exciting episodes planned ahead. I have a couple of, I'm participating in a podcast event.
called Podcastathon. And this organization is inviting all of these different podcast hosts to record and publish all in the same week episodes around their favorite charities and nonprofits. And so I've got a couple of episodes coming up soon on two organizations that I am a part of. So I'm excited about that.
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I have an episode coming with a gentleman who is a former combat Marine turned law enforcement officer and he is an ultra marathon runner. So we're going to talk to him about that process and how we all define our heart in life and
how we face those challenges in life, looking at it through the eyes of an ultra marathon runner. And then I also have another episode that I'm excited about where I have a woman who is a professional skydiver and she has over 12,000 skydives under her belt. So we're gonna talk about
that with her and her incredible message. So we've got some good stuff coming up here on Just Human. So do me a favor, if this episode, if it resonated with you, share it with a friend and let them know about it. And don't forget to subscribe so that you don't miss these new episodes that I've got coming out. But until next time.
I appreciate you all and let's go out and build something incredible. Take care.
