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Well, hello and welcome back to another episode of the Just Human podcast. My name is Jay Boykin. I'm your host. So glad that you took time out of your busy schedules to either watch or listen. So again, thank you for that. This podcast is intended to explore various topics. We highlight diversity, equity and inclusion. We look at leadership and personal growth.
And today we're going to dive into a subject that challenges a deeply ingrained societal norm and that is the definition of success. So if you are watching on YouTube, thank you or listening on your favorite podcast provider, thank you for that. But be sure to subscribe, leave a comment, let me know what you think. Constantly looking for ways to improve.
the show. So when you think of success, what comes to mind? Now for many people, it's financial wealth. It's the size of your paycheck, it is how big your house is or what the value of your house is, what neighborhood you live in. It is the accumulation of possessions. But here's the thing.
While financial stability is important, it's essential for meeting our basic needs. Many times it will fall short in ways of providing lasting happiness or meaning. So in today's episode, we're going to talk about five powerful ways that we can measure our success.
beyond money and we're gonna discuss how shifting our focus to these areas can really lead us to a richer, more fulfilling life. And we'll get into some specific examples in each one. But I do wanna start off this way. I don't want to be naive. Financial success matters. Money.
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does matter. There was a song where Kanye West said, having money isn't everything, not having it is. And I don't want to be naive and say that money doesn't matter. It does. So let's start off by talking about the fact that having...
a certain accumulation of money, having certain financial success allows us to do certain things. Number one, it allows us to take care of our family. It allows us to take care of our loved ones. It gives us the ability to make sure that our family and loved ones have a roof over our heads, that we've got food in our bellies, that we've got healthcare and
It gives us the ability to provide for educational opportunities for children. So it matters. It does matter. Money gives us the opportunity to give back. So you can use your financial success to contribute and support causes that you believe in in your community.
You can make donations, provide for scholarships and other things. And so having the ability to give back, again, it matters. Eliminating debt, that's very important. So many people in our country are struggling under crippling amounts of debt. Having the ability to pay off
all of your debt, whether it is student loans, mortgages, car payments, and living within your means, it provides a key level of financial freedom. When you are struggling with debt and you have no idea how you're going to pay all of that debt, it will, it's crippling. It will,
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affect many areas in your life, including relationships, your stress levels. In a previous episode, we talked about managing stress and sleep. Dealing with debt can really impact those things. Another thing that having money will allow you to experience is a certain level of financial security. So
Being able to have an emergency fund, having a stable income and having the resources to weather certain unexpected challenges is key. I read something a while back that talked about the percentage of people that are one or two missed paychecks away from being homeless.
I'm not gonna quote the percentage now because I'll probably get it wrong, but that number is pretty eye-opening. It's staggering the number of folks that are essentially paycheck to paycheck right now. So being able to put yourself in a situation where you are more financially secure, again, it matters. Owning a home or other property.
is something that financial success will give you the benefit of. Being able to purchase a home, being able to have an investment property, that is a big deal in many people's lives. Home ownership in many cases will represent the single largest milestone, the single largest investment that people will make. It's a big accomplishment.
So that too is a big deal. And then finally, and I'm sure that there's other things that you can come up with, feel free to leave them in the comments. Another thing that financial success affords you is the ability to set yourself up for a comfortable retirement. How often are you going places and seeing people that
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you believe are beyond their retirement age, but they're still working. In some instances, people are doing that because they just want something to do. In many instances, people are doing that because they are unable to retire comfortably without supplementing their retirement income by continuing to work. So,
Being able to take care of a comfortable retirement is also extremely important. But here's where I want to get into the meat of today's podcast episode. Defining success with money can really lead to a lot of greed and materialism. Unless it is properly aligned with
our values and our goals, our financial achievements, our financial success, can distort things. And we begin to focus on the wrong things. Many times when your primary focus is on how much money you have and what typically goes along with that is how much money other people have.
you tend to put way more emphasis on comparing yourself to others.
how nice of a car are they driving versus the car that I have? What does their house look like versus my house? They sure do have nice clothes and nice things compared to what I have. Those type of comparisons are human nature, you could argue, but they're not healthy. You have no idea what the circumstances are behind
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how those individuals were able to get the things that they have. But let's face it, they're just things and they do not necessarily mean much beyond the depreciation of that thing. So today we're gonna talk about five things beyond financial success that
are ways that we as individuals and especially as men, that we can define success and that will help us to really shape our lives in a different fashion. So let's jump in with number one. So personal growth and lifelong learning. So personal growth isn't just about
The position that you can achieve within your company, it's not just about climbing the corporate ladder. It can be about many other things. There are a number of people who emphasize education and they enjoy the process of learning and accumulating degrees and certifications. That can be important.
But I will tell you that personal growth is, it's a very personal thing and it can be something where you need to challenge yourself and think about ways that you want to evolve as a person. So personally, lifelong learning for me has been very important. Even doing things like working on this
Podcast and my blog and other things It's been very challenging and very transformative for me every time I prepare for an episode and I spend time researching a topic I learned something and I'm able to Challenge myself in a different way Another thing that I have
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been able to challenge myself with. So I will mention the fact that I believe that staying active is very important, vital to extending your life. I believe that as soon as you become sedentary and stop doing things physically, then you may be on a
downhill slide that you you don't want to be on and so over the past year my family has taken up the activity of wake surfing I Won't get into the details of that, but that was something that I never thought watching other people do it I never thought that it was something that I would be able to do now that I have
I really enjoy it. It is something that is not only physically challenging, but it also gives me the ability to think about things a bit differently. Now that I have gotten to a certain point, now I'm thinking about, I do tricks? Can I do something else? What's the next step? So learning how to do something
new is another way that you can grow personally. There's an example that I wrote about in my blog. Think about someone who perhaps has been terrified of public speaking their entire life. And maybe they decide to challenge themselves by becoming a better public speaker. And so they might start off
very small and they practice in front of a mirror. They practice with their family group or their friend group. Maybe over time they join a Toastmasters club. Maybe they take some classes, but they continue to build their confidence over time. And through this journey, not only do they have the opportunity to become a more competent speaker,
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but they recognize the fact that they've developed more resilience, they're able to adapt better, and they've got much better self-confidence, and that will show itself in other areas of their life. Being a better presenter, being a better speaker will help you with your career opportunities if that's what you're looking for.
So what about you? What's one area of growth that you've been putting off that perhaps you're feeling drawn to? And maybe today is the day to take that first step. So leave a comment and let us know what you are thinking about in terms of that personal growth and lifelong learning. And again, remember it's not about being perfect. It's not about being the best. It's about
progression and persistence.
So the next area that I wanna mention is building meaningful relationships. I've talked about this a lot in a few episodes of the podcast and I can't emphasize it enough. especially for men, but having strong, authentic connections with others.
can really be foundational in terms of a fulfilling life. And I'm not talking about the number of followers, I'm not talking about the number of likes. It's really about the depth of those connections and having the opportunity to meet and develop.
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relationships with new people and nurturing those relationships over time. Talking about this makes me think about some new friends that are a part of my life and my wife's life. So during the summer, we spend a lot of time down at the lake. I talked about the fact that we wake surf. And so most weekends we are
down at the lake on the water every weekend. Well, there was one weekend a little over a year ago where we were walking down the dock and there were these two individuals sitting in their boat. And for whatever reason, I was drawn to say hello to them. I was.
asking them questions about their boat and that led to probably a 20 minute conversation at the time and then they invited us to come out with them on their boat to surf with them. So we had the opportunity to begin this relationship and now fast forward a year these two have become
some of our closest friends and their the relationship that we have with them is extremely meaningful. So do not downplay the role that strong connections and deep relationships play in your life. But here's another area where it can truly impact the lives of others. Think about
the fact that if you are a parent, and especially for men, many times we will prioritize our work and those things, those busy work schedules over family activities. And if you are an individual who has kids and a busy work schedule, you might miss out on a lot of
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one-on-one time a lot of activities with your children. So if you have someone who makes the conscious decision to dedicate more time focusing on your kids, focusing on those relationships, whether it is taking the time to enjoy their interest, whether it is shooting hoops,
playing video games or just having a conversation to understand what's going on in their life, starting new traditions with each of your kids individually. These have a benefit that is really difficult to measure, but you begin to create these cherished memories. So not only is it important for you,
but you're creating a generational impact because now you're doing things that your kids are going to learn about and hopefully will pass on in the future to their own children. remember that meaningful relationships, they're not built overnight, they take time, but with intention, with effort, you can really...
enrich your life in some very profound ways. So who in your life can you reconnect with or prioritize more? Just remember that starting off small, even just a quick phone call, an invitation to coffee or lunch can make a huge difference in your life and in their life.
So number three is health and wellbeing. And I really wanna say that it doesn't matter how much money you have, if you are too unhealthy, too sick to enjoy it or your life is shortened because you sacrificed your health.
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in order to accumulate that wealth. So again, I'm not trying to downplay the importance of money, but that is gonna feel very, very hollow in your hospital room. focusing on your physical and mental wellness, that is foundational. We did an episode not long ago,
that talked about ways that men in particular can take some small steps to improve your health. And again, I believe that that is extremely important. When you have the opportunity to improve how you feel, I think that you show up in life differently. You will...
you generate an energy that other people are going to see, that other people are going to feed off of and are going to want to be around it. It is contagious in my opinion. So making the small changes that you need in order to improve your health is vital. So you could be
someone you could be a man who is in your 40s and perhaps you find out from your doctor that you're struggling with high blood pressure. Maybe you've got high cholesterol. I think that you can ignore those things. Maybe you feel fine, but this is a warning sign. This is like the check engine light in your car.
Most men are really good about paying attention to those things. You won't ignore the check engine light in your car. You could perhaps put a piece of tape over it so you don't see it. But most people are not doing that. You're going to try to take care of it. Getting these early warning signs for your health is just as important. And so,
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You can make the small changes. Again, we talked about this in a prior episode. You can walk daily. You can eat healthier. You can maybe join a recreational sports league just so that you get out. And that will benefit you in a couple of ways. Not only are you moving physically, but you have the opportunity to develop some additional relationships through these leagues with people that are on your team.
And over time, this person may notice that you feel your energy level is improving, your stress is decreasing, and you're modeling healthier habits, a healthier lifestyle for your family. And I would venture to guess that you will start to see improvements to your blood work the next time that you go to the doctor. So again, don't ignore those early warning signs.
So once again, consistent theme that we're talking about throughout this episode, it is not about perfection. It's about making small, consistent improvements. And so what's gonna be the one health goal that you're going to focus on and start working on today? Maybe it's.
starting to move more by taking walks. Maybe you're gonna start an exercise program. Maybe you're gonna go to bed earlier or even just focus on drinking more water. What are you gonna focus on starting this week? By prioritizing your health, you are truly investing in your ability to live more fully and to be there for the people that matter most in your life.
And I believe that your health is also going to help you to do some other things that are focused on your legacy. And with that, that's a perfect segue into the next area is thinking about your impact, thinking about your legacy. I believe that
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legacy isn't necessarily about who's going to remember you, who's going to be at your funeral when you pass away. That's part of it. Let's be honest. Most of us may think about that type of thing, especially the older that we get, we may think about those things, but I believe that legacy is about leaving the world a little bit better than how you found it.
And so there's been some things that I have focused on lately. I've had the opportunity to do more work around diversity, equity, and inclusion. And irrespective of how you personally feel about DNI, I believe that there are many misconceptions.
about DNI and I'm going to talk about that in an upcoming episode focusing on what are some of the myths and the facts around DNI. But I think about legacy. My great grandfather was born a slave and after he became free,
He could have just focused on himself and his family, but he focused on his community and became a community leader really emphasizing racial change. My grandfather and my father each did similar things in their respective ways. And I think about the legacy that they left and in the case of my dad, I...
fortunate enough to still have him in my life. He's still leaving that legacy and now I have dedicated this portion of my life to thinking about how I can help others as it relates to not just DE &I but thinking about personal growth and thinking about other things that can help us all be better individually and collectively.
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So that's one of the ways that I am thinking about my legacy. You could be someone who has had a very successful career and maybe you want to begin to mentor young people in that same field, people that either are just starting out their careers or people who aspire to be in a similar role that you are in. You can...
share career advice, you can teach them lessons that you've learned along the way to help them think about things a little bit differently. And so through these efforts, you begin to focus on your legacy because you are helping to change the lives of young people that you have the ability to
influence. So impact and legacy, very important. How can you create a small ripple starting today related to your impact related to your legacy? So whether you want to mentor someone, maybe you have the ability to tutor young people, maybe you want to
donate some of your time to a cause that is extremely meaningful to you. These are all ways that you can create a lasting impact, creating a legacy that will far outlive you. So remember, it's not just about grand gestures, but it's about how you can show up for
others and how you can begin to impact and influence the lives of others.
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And then finally, I wanna talk about purpose and fulfillment. many times, and I'm really talking about myself for a good portion of my life.
I, my purpose seemed like it was getting up, going to work, getting that paycheck, and then rinse and repeat.
But when you take the time to define what you want the purpose of your life to be, it can truly be transformative and truly instrumental in how you measure your success. Purpose gives your life direction and you can align that purpose with
your personal values. So again, you may be at a point in your life where you are working a job that you hate and you're doing it because you have to. Many times we will work a job because we are good at it and it pays the bills. That being said,
You can begin to evaluate what you want your purpose in life to be, where your passions lie, and you can begin to reconnect what your life looks like and align it to your values and your purpose and what matters most. And so you could have a very
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lucrative job, but you might decide that you want to begin to spend more time on a certain issue. Maybe it is environmental, maybe it is educational, whatever means the most to you. Perhaps you want to begin to invest some of your time and efforts and maybe in some cases some of your money on
some of these things that are truly meaningful to you. And perhaps you're going to find that you want to make a career change and do something that while it might not pay you as much as your other job, if you are feeling more personally fulfilled and that helps you to be able to smile more
improve the lives of other people, sleep better and reduce the stress in your life. That could be a decision, again, very personal decision that is extremely meaningful to you. So one of the things that I try to do every year is to, I don't do New Year's resolutions and I'll talk about that later.
I don't do New Year's resolutions. I believe that the percentage of people whose resolutions are completely failed by the time you get to February is pretty high. But if I set goals for myself for the upcoming year, I find that I am able to be much more successful with goals as opposed to resolutions. And
I also try to make sure that I spend some time thinking about what are my personal values? What are the things that I truly believe in? What are the things that I am not going to compromise in my life no matter what? And if I begin to make changes over time to align my daily life,
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and my daily actions with those core values and those short term and long term goals. I have started to feel much more purpose in my life and I have started to feel much more fulfilled. And so I write those things down and I track those things on a monthly basis. I make sure that
I am working on those things that align with my core values and the goals that I have set for myself. So let's think about as we wrap this up, what is one small way that you can begin to align your actions with your purpose? Maybe you want to start volunteering. Maybe you've got
some creative project that you want to do or supporting some other cause that is close to your heart. Think about that. What is that one small first step that you're going to take? And again, remember it's not about making a drastic change. I'm not telling you to go out and quit the job that you might hate tomorrow and start something new the day after.
but you can begin to make some small changes that will help you to live more authentically and can really contribute to your long-term happiness and will really help to create that level of success that is not necessarily aligned with the size of your paycheck. So there you have it.
I have given you my opinion on five ways that you can measure success beyond money. Personal growth, meaningful relationships, health and wellbeing, impact and legacy, purpose and fulfillment. So what stands out to you from what we have discussed today?
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Which one of those areas resonates most with you and perhaps is going to change the way that you define success. I would love to hear your thoughts. again, reach out on wherever you are listening to this or watching this, leave me a comment and let me know what it is that you are, you're going to change. And again, remember that success is not just about
external achievements. It's not just about how much money we make. It's about living a life that feels good. When you lay your head down on your pillow every night and you feel that your life has meaning, you feel that your life is authentic, you probably have a life that is very fulfilling to you and that matters more so than the number of commas.
than you have in your bank account. So thank you very much for tuning in to the Just Human podcast. If you enjoyed this, remember to subscribe, leave me a review. More importantly, share it with someone that you think might get something out of this and perhaps feel inspired. My name is Jay Boykin, I'm your host, and until next time, I want you to take care and...
Keep redefining what success means for you. Continue to stay on this lifelong journey. Take care.
